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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784981">The Ending of Loneliness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28'>stars28</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:46:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae had always felt left out within GOT7, ever since their debut. This feeling hadn’t gone away in the year that they had spent together as a freshly debuted group. Every day, something happened to remind him uncomfortably that he was unwelcome.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. October 2015</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’d like to first apologise to Youngjae for putting him thorough all of this, but then again, you can’t have a story without angst. Or at least, you can’t in my world. Otherwise, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Hold on tight<br/>
</em>
  <em>This ride is a wild one<br/>
</em>
  <em>Make no mistake<br/>
</em>
  <em>The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done<br/>
</em>
  <em>Now don't lose your fight, kid..."</em><br/>
<b>- Missing You, All Time Low.</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Youngjae wasn’t completely naive. He knew that he’d be the outsider in the group to begin with. Everyone else had been here much longer than him - Jaebum and Jinyoung had even been a moderately successful pairing before GOT7 had even been a consideration to JYPE - and he couldn’t relate to the struggles of homesickness and speaking another language like the three foreigners in the group. Plus, there was no way he could relate to Yugyeom’s love for dancing. He’d been recruited for his singing ability, <em>not</em> his dancing ability.</p><p>He felt like everyone else was getting closer without him. He wasn’t being invited to the places that the others were being. And every time he tried to get someone - <em>anyone</em> - to join him in doing anything, he was always brushed off with excuses like ‘sorry, this is for two people only’ or ‘sorry, I forgot that you wanted to meet up’ or ‘sorry, we were already busy’. It was disheartening, to say the very least, to hear the other members have fun together without him.</p><p>(-)</p><p>Youngjae was pleased when he entered the living room to discover Jackson and Yugyeom gaming together on the television. Maybe now he could join in and have fun <em>with</em> them, instead of hearing about the fun after it had happened.</p><p>“Can I join in a bit?” He asked as he sat down on the armchair nearest Jackson, “After the next round?”</p><p>Yugyeom just hummed in vague acknowledgement, his eyes not moving from the TV screen. Jackson didn’t show any sign that he’d even seen Youngjae enter the room, which made Youngjae’s heart sink to his stomach. He felt his shoulders sink and he shrunk into his seat, eyes firmly fixed on his knees.</p><p>What was it about him that everyone in the group didn’t like about him?</p><p>He’d spent many sleepless nights thinking about that question. He had yet to come up with a solid answer for that question. He had, however, come up with a few theories: he’d simply joined too late; he didn’t work as hard as the others; he hadn’t done as much training as the others before being placed in the group; he didn’t always feel like doing the activities they did during the rare times when they didn’t have a schedule; and maybe his personality was too grating for them to deal with all day, every day.</p><p>But Youngjae supposed that he would never know for sure unless he asked one of the members and that wasn’t happening ever. He wasn’t ready, nor would he ever be ready, for that severe damage to his already paper-thin facade of fake happiness.</p><p>“When did you get here?”</p><p>Youngjae looked up from his knees to find Jackson frowning in confusion at him. It was an uncomfortable reminder that he was unwelcome here.</p><p>“About ten minutes ago hyung.” He answered, rising from his seat to leave the living room, “But I’ll go now.”</p><p>(-)</p><p>Today was a day like any other. He woke up before his roommate Jaebum and stared at the ceiling, wondering if he would be successful in gaining any attention from the other members. Coco was sound asleep at the end of his bed. Youngjae was embarrassed to admit that the main reason he’d brought the dog was because he was just so lonely, despite being surrounded by the rest of the group nearly all the time.</p><p>“Time for practice Youngjae-ah.” Jaebum called from across the room, sitting up in his bed. He must have woken up while Youngjae was musing sadly.</p><p>“Sure.” He replied, heaving himself up and out of his invitingly warm bed, into the comparative coolness of the rest of the room.</p><p>Breakfast was a painful affair for Youngjae. He pushed his egg roll around his plate aimlessly with his chopsticks, listening to everyone else as they made plans for after practice. He was jealous of the amount of joy he could hear in their voices. Jackson, Yugyeom and BamBam were planning on going to a karaoke place, while Jinyoung, Jaebum and Mark had plans to watch a movie at home.</p><p>“Can I join you watching that movie?” He asked tentatively in a natural lull in the lazy conversation, finally taking a bite of his egg roll.</p><p>He watched as Mark glanced at Jaebum and Jinyoung before replying, “I don’t know Youngjae-ah. The movie is going to be entirely in English. Would you be ok with that?”</p><p>He blinked, was this their way - polite though it was - of trying to get rid of him?</p><p>He said, “There’ll be Korean subtitles though right?”</p><p>“Er, no there won’t.” Jaebum said, sipping his coffee, “It’s a new American release. And I’ve checked for subtitles.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, that’s fine. I’ll be hanging out in my room tonight with Coco.”</p><p>Even though this had been happening for months now, Youngjae couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He finished his egg roll with a few decisive bites and stood to put his plate in the dishwasher.</p><p>(-)</p><p>Dance practice was brutal. Youngjae hadn’t been a dancer before coming to JYPE, and honestly, it showed when he was pulled up yet again by their choreographer for not being in time with BamBam and Jackson.</p><p>“Sorry hyung-nim.” He said, bowing politely and accepting the criticism without protest. He knew that he needed to improve and fast as they had been asked to perform at the 2015 MAMA’s. It still seemed a bit unreal that they had been nominated for Best Male Group Dance Performance.</p><p>(-)</p><p>A few hours later - they had a lighter schedule today - and Youngjae knew what he was going to be doing while the members were all having fun without him. He was going to be practicing over and over until he got the opening and ending parts of the choreography to ‘If You Do’ exactly right. Nothing else would do.</p><p>He was hurt but not surprised when, once everyone else had got the step memorised to a good degree, the other members left without a second glance. The choreographer gave him a sad look as he left the practice room, undoubtedly feeling sorry for him. Just what Youngjae was trying to avoid - other people noticing the disconnect between him and the other members.</p><p>Youngjae shook his head before restarting the music and getting into his position, ready to dance for as long as it took him to get the moves right.</p><p>He tried not to think about how the members were having fun without him.</p><p>(-)</p><p>Because everyone left him without batting an eyelid or even asking if he was okay to spend a few more hours practicing, Youngjae had no one to remind him to frequently take breaks for water.</p><p>This had led him to be lying on his back on the hard wooden floor, gasping for breath, as ‘If You Do’ played for the umpteenth time from the room’s speaker system.</p><p>After a while of breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling, Youngjae forced himself to sit up. He took it slowly as the room began to spin the further his head was from the floor.</p><p>“Need to take it slow.” He muttered to himself as he began to slowly crawl over to his back, where his water bottle was.</p><p>Youngjae thought that maybe this was a sign for him to stop practicing and go home for food and rest. Even thought his heart sunk at the thought of having to see the other members after they had been having fun, he knew that it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t like he would get any better without some rest.</p><p>He took a long gulp of lukewarm water and began to get himself ready to leave.</p><p>(-)</p><p>When he reached the dorm half an hour later, Youngjae hadn’t been expecting for everyone to be in bed and for all the lights to be off. He dug his iPhone out from his pocket to check the time. It was almost ten o’clock at night. He’d known that it was late when he’d gone outside to get in the company car that he’d called and it’d been almost completely dark, but he hadn’t expecting it to be that late.</p><p>As Youngjae got himself ready for bed - forgoing the shower as he’d had a quick one before leaving the company - he couldn’t help but think about all the times that the other members had waited up for each other.</p><p>He flopped into his bed and sighed quietly to himself, being careful not to wake Jaebum up. Coco looked up from her basket at the end of his bed as his head hit the pillow. She wagged her tail sleepily before curling back up into a ball. He just wished that someone had been awake when he’d arrived back. It would’ve been good to see a familiar face after practicing late.</p><p>Just before he was about to fall asleep, Youngjae remembered the time when Yugyeom wasn’t home when they’d all gone to bed after having tea. He remembered that, although everyone else had gone to sleep, Jinyoung and Jackson had stayed up until Yugyeom had arrived back home. Why had there been no one waiting up for him?</p><p>(-)</p><p>“Hey,” Youngjae tried to make himself heard over the loud conversations of the other members, “Hey guys.”</p><p>Everyone stopped talking and looked at him. They had a free day today so everyone was chilling in their pyjamas whilst eating their breakfast. It was pleasurable. Youngjae was pleased that they were paying attention to him.</p><p>“Do you…maybe want to go bowling today?” He asked, suddenly feeling shy with everyone’s attention on him, “Only if you want to. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to. It was just an idea.”</p><p>He watched, without hardly daring to hope that his idea would be taken positively, as the other talked amongst themselves for a couple of minutes, before Yugyeom replied.</p><p>“Yeah, we’ll go bowling. Sounds like fun.”</p><p>Youngjae tried to be subtle about how happy and included this made him feel, but he couldn’t stop the wide, almost relieved smile from forming on his face.</p><p>(-)</p><p>Youngjae stared at the wall, unsure how this had happened. He sighed heavily.</p><p>They’d all been getting ready to go bowling like he’d suggested that morning and somehow he’d gotten left behind in all the hustle and bustle of everyone else getting in cars.</p><p>Coco barked. He stroked her and picked her up off the floor and placing her in his lap. At least his dog still wanted to be around him, even if the rest of his members didn’t.</p><p>Youngjae was tired and sad, so he took Coco and went to bed. He didn’t care that it was only six o’clock in the evening.</p><p>(-)</p><p>
  <em>Youngjae turned towards the practice room door when he heard it slam against the wall. Idly, he thought that it was a good think they had been on their break, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to hear the slam over their music.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He registered the other members turning toward the slightly out of breath manager.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ve been nominated at the MAMA’s.” Their manager said, slowly getting his breath back, “For Best Male Group Dance Performance.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Immediately the mood of the room changed from quiet and sleepy to loud and chaotic. Yugyeom and BamBam were running around cheering loudly. Jackson and Mark were discussing the possibility of them actually winning Best Male Group Dance Performance, whilst Jinyoung and Jaebum were laughing with some disbelief at Jackson and Mark’s conversation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngjae hadn’t been involved in any of it, despite being sat directly next to Yugyeom and BamBam. It was as though he was completely invisible or had just faded out of existence.</em>
</p><p>(-)</p><p>Youngjae woke up when the front door banged. He must’ve fallen asleep earlier. He could hear the commotion that the other members were making as they took off their coats and shoes.</p><p>As they passed by Youngjae’s bedroom, none of them made any effort to enter his room and see what he was up to, Youngjae heard Jinyoung ask a question that hurt his heart.</p><p>“Who’s idea was it to go bowling?”</p><p>“Yugyeom’s?” Jaebum replied, “I don’t really know.”</p><p>Why did Youngjae expect anything more from them? They never noticed him, no matter what he did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading the first chapter!</p><p>Kudos and comments mean a lot to me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. December 2015 -  Youngjae</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It’s time for the second chapter!</p>
<p>I meant to post this yesterday, but I was too tired once I’d finished work.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>"Why do I run back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?<br/></em> <em>Why am I a sucker all your lies?"</em><br/><b>- Monsters, All Time Low (ft. blackbear).</b> </p>
<hr/>
<p>Youngjae was still really sleepy after their morning flight to Hong Kong, but he knew that it was time for the to go to the AsiaWorld-Expo to practice their MAMA’s performance and to meet BTS, who they were doing a Special Stage with.</p>
<p>By the time everyone was ready for the day - Youngjae noticed absentmindedly that all the members looked really tired, hopefully their make up would solve that particular issue - it was already half-past nine in the morning and if they didn’t hurry up they would late for their first meeting with BTS.</p>
<p>Youngjae still couldn’t quite believe that they were lucky enough to be able to do a shared stage with BTS.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>When GOT7 have been seen by their make up artists, it was nearing their meeting with BTS. Youngjae was sure that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about meeting them - BamBam was tugging lightly on his earrings and he only did that when he was nervous.</p>
<p>Even though his members seemingly had no interest in getting to know him, Youngjae had picked up on quite a lot of their habits. Like when Mark was nervous, he tended to shrink in on himself and not talk as much, and was Jinyoung was unsure of himself, he made it seem like he knew everything, when he didn’t.</p>
<p>Youngjae filed into the larger dressing room behind Yugyeom. This was it. They were meeting BTS.</p>
<p>Jaebum cleared his throat before starting their group introduction.</p>
<p>“Come and get it, GOT7.” Their leader said, in line with the rest of GOT7 and bowing, “We are GOT7.”</p>
<p>Youngjae couldn’t believe that they had just introduced themselves to BTS! One of the main rising stars of Kpop. This was insane.</p>
<p>Namjoon smiled and did their greeting smoothly.</p>
<p>“Hello, we are BTS.” They said, bowing in sync.</p>
<p>Wow. BTS had just introduced themselves to him. Insignificant Youngjae. He wasn’t sure that he would ever recover from this moment. He decided that this was the highlight of his day, no his month, no make that his year. Nothing would ever top this moment. (Other than maybe his members being his actual friends rather than just co-workers.)</p>
<p>They then introduced themselves individually before splitting into small groups in order to get to know each other a bit more. Youngjae supposed that this was to put their nerves at ease, even if his heart was still racing with adrenaline from meeting BTS.</p>
<p>“Youngjae hubae, how are you?” A deep voice said, jerking Youngjae out of his silent musing and causing him to look up at whoever had said it.</p>
<p>It was RM, Namjoon, leader of BTS, along with Seokjin, the ultimate hyung. Why were they bothering to talk to him, when there was six other people, who were far more interesting? Youngjae wondered, really confused.</p>
<p>“Yes Namjoon sunbae, Seokjin sunbae.” He said, lying through his teeth, “I’m ok. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Call us hyung, Youngjae-ah.” Seokjin replied, patting him on the shoulder gently.</p>
<p>It didn’t feel right, calling members of BTS ‘hyung’, not when he only did it to the older members of GOT7 out of respect. He wondered if the other members of GOT7 were being told to call BTS ‘hyung’ and if they were having trouble with managing the level of familiarity from BTS.</p>
<p>“I - um… ok. Hyungs?” Youngjae stuttered, feeling foolish in front of them. He wanted to make a good impression.</p>
<p>“He’s so nervous.” Seokjin exclaimed to Namjoon, his voice carrying around the room.</p>
<p>“Well, he would be, now that you’ve attracted everyone’s attention hyung.” Namjoon said and then bowed quickly towards Youngjae, “I’m sorry about this Youngjae-ah.”</p>
<p>Youngjae could only nod vaguely, feeling the piercing eyes of the rest of GOT7 on the back of his head. He knew instantly that the other members would be angry and embarrassed on account of him making an utter fool of himself in front of the eldest and the leader of BTS. He could feel that his face was an alarming shade of red due to him embarrassing himself in front of BTS. He would never live this moment down.</p>
<p>It came as a welcome relief for Youngjae when a manager came into the dressing room, announcing that the stage was ready for their first practice of their ‘Special Stage’.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>Practicing with the members of BTS is…unlike anything Youngjae has ever done before. They’re so determined to get the moves dead right, but there was also room for fun? This was very unusual for Youngjae, who was more used to stern scoldings from their choreographer. He wasn’t complaining; it made a nice change for him not to be scolded. Youngjae could hardly be blamed for being amazed at how well BTS and GOT7 were getting on. He was so used to being ignored by the other members of GOT7. It was a novelty and a welcome surprise that BTS kept talking to him, despite Youngjae’s all too obvious shyness around them.</p>
<p>By the end of their first day of practicing together, Youngjae felt like he was closer to the BTS members than he was to his members. He knew that he should feel guilty about this fact, but he couldn’t find it in him to care much. Not when, for the first time since before GOT7’s debut, he had people who were willing to pay attention to him and get to know him.</p>
<p>Typically dance practice was the worst part of Youngjae’s day, but as the to groups separated for the rest of the day, he found himself actually looking forward to the next couple of practices with BTS.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>Youngjae only just had time to shower and get ready for bed before he was summoned into Jaebum’s hotel room. He was vaguely tempted to ignore the text, but he chose to go, rather than get someone to come and get him.</p>
<p>When he arrived at Jaebum’s hotel room door, he was unsurprised to find the whole group crammed into the small, two-seater couch, the armchair and Jaebum’s single bed. Apparently this was going to be a group-wide scolding. Excellent, Youngjae thought sarcastically, just what he wanted.</p>
<p>“So I assume we all know why we’re here?” Jaebum said, once Youngjae had situated himself at the top of the bed.</p>
<p>Youngjae was mortified when everyone nodded, which only meant one thing - they <em>had</em> all seen his screw up in front of BTS.</p>
<p>“Because Youngjae embarrassed himself - and by extension, us - in front of BTS.” Jinyoung said calmly yet sternly.</p>
<p>“It was an accident.” Youngjae tried to defend himself, “I didn’t mean to.”</p>
<p>“Whether you meant to or not, you still did it.” Mark said, from his perch on the armchair, “We were embarrassed as well.”</p>
<p>As his scolding continued, Youngjae gave up trying to defend himself, not seeing the point because the rest of GOT7 were determined to ignore what he was saying.</p>
<p>By the time the scolding was over, Youngjae was emotionally drained. When Jaebum told them all to go to bed, he didn’t do as he was told. Instead he hid himself in his hotel room bathroom and sobbed so hard he could barely breath. He’d felt like crying halfway through the scolding, but refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing that he was hurt by their words. He had no idea how long he cried for, but it was long enough that Jinyoung had fallen asleep in the other bed when he emerged, red-eyed and still sniffling, from the bathroom.</p>
<p>There was no way that Jinyoung hadn’t heard him sobbing. Youngjae hoped that Jinyoung felt guilty over the severe scolding.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>The next day, Youngjae was hoping to avoid a scolding like last night, so he hung back when GOT7 entered the shared practice room. Unfortunately, Seokjin noticed him hiding behind Yugyeom.</p>
<p>“Youngjae-ah!” Seokjin loudly, walking towards him.</p>
<p>Yesterday’s mistake flashed across Youngjae’s mind and he internally cringed. He helped that he wouldn’t make a similar mistake again today. He didn’t think think that he could deal with another scolding from his group members.</p>
<p>“Hi Seokjin hyung. How are you?” He said, smiling.</p>
<p>The eldest member of BTS smiled widely and replied, “I’m good, ready to start. Are you?”</p>
<p>Youngjae nodded, “All raring to go!”</p>
<p>Before there could be any more conversation between the two groups, the main choreographer announced that they needed to begin practicing if they were going to be ready for the MAMAs in two days time.</p>
<p>Youngjae was silently relieved. He’d felt the eyes of the rest of GOT7 burning into the back of his skull as he’d conversed with Seokjin.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>Youngjae couldn’t believe it. They were on the red carpet at the MAMAs. This was unbelievable. To think that they’d started in a dingy little practice room, practicing for hours upon hours, and now they were here, about to step out onto the red carpet in their freshly laundered suits.</p>
<p>From his position at the back of the car - the only one without a companion next to him - Youngjae could see the other members talking amongst themselves over how many of their fans were in the crowds next to the red carpet. He wished that either Jackson or Yugyeom would turn around and share the excitement. As it was, no one turned around and Youngjae turned to look out of the window, taking some enjoyment out of how their fans were cheering.</p>
<p>The car door slid open and Jaebum stepped out.</p>
<p>This was it, Youngjae thought, GOT7 were going to the MAMAs.</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>Even though he was an idol himself, Youngjae had to admit that BTS were in a league of their own. Watching them perform ‘Run’ was a whole different experience and Youngjae could only imagine how their fans were reacting. Probably a lot of incoherent screaming.</p>
<p>But he didn’t have much time to admire BTS’s professionalism because he was being whisked away with the rest of GOT7 by stylists for their next stage performance. The Special Stage with BTS.</p>
<p>(He still couldn’t quite believe that they were being deemed worthy enough to share the stage with BTS.)</p>
<p>(-)</p>
<p>Youngjae took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, trying to calm himself down after the Special Stage. It had been such a huge adrenaline rush being on stage with BTS in front of an audience. An experience he would never forget. As he calmed down gradually, he saw the other members hugging each other and suddenly felt so, so alone backstage, despite the members being less than a foot away from him.</p>
<p>He turned away from the heartbreaking scene in front of him and left the room. No one called him back or questioned where he was going, which only solidified his belief that they didn’t care about him. He could feel the tears beginning to form in his eyes as he walked quickly away from GOT7.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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